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CAPSTICK COMES HOME
By Tony Capstick

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One of my very favourite comedy records of all time is one entitled "Capstick Comes Home" by Tony Capstick.  It was a top ten hit single in 1981.  It still makes me laugh outloud today when I play it.   The premise of the  record was to poke fun at the Hovis Bread television commercial of the day, which featured the now famous 'Hovis music' or 'The New World Symphony' by Dvorak, to give it its proper name.  The words below were narrated by Tony in his inimitable Yorkshire accent to the background of The New World Symphony - just like the TV advert.

Tony Capstick was a well known folk musician and much respected radio presenter who worked on BBC Radio Sheffield for many years until 2003.  Very sadly Tony died in October 2003.

Here are the words, just recall the music and imagine the old Hovis advert as you read them; a man walking up a steep hill in a pit village in Yorkshire - possibly a rather gloomy village.........









CAPSTICK COMES HOME

I'll never forget that first day at t'pit.  Me an' mi father worked a seventy two hour shift, an' then we walked home forty three mile through t'snow in us bare feet, huddled inside us clothes med out o' old sacks.

Eventually we trudged over t'hill until wi could see t'street light twinklin' in our village.  Mi father smiled down at mi through t'icicles hangin' off his nose. "Nearly home now lad", he said.

We stumbled into t'house and stood there freezin' cold and tired out, shiverin' and miserable, in front o' t' meagre fire.  Any road, mi mam says "Cheer up, lads. I've got you some nice brown bread and butter for yer tea."

Ee, mi father went crackers. He reached out and gently pulled mi mam towards 'im by t'throat. "You big fat, idle ugly wart", he said. "You gret useless spawny-eyed parrot-faced wazzock." ('E had a way wi words, mi father. He'd bin to college, y'know). "You've been out playin' bingo all afternoon instead o' gettin' some proper snap ready for me an' this lad", he explained to mi poor, little, purple-faced mam.

Then turnin' to me he said "Arthur", (He could never remember mi name), "here's half a crown. Nip down to t'chip 'oyl an' get us a nice piece o' 'addock for us tea. Man cannot live by bread alone."  He were a reyt tater, mi father.  He said as 'ow workin' folk should have some dignity an' pride an' self respect, an' as 'ow they should come home to summat warm an' cheerful.

An' then he threw mi mam on t'fire.

We didn't 'ave no tellies or shoes or bedclothes.  We med us own fun in them days.  Do you know, when I were a lad you could get a tram down into t'town, buy three new suits an' an ovvercoat, four pair o' good boots, go an' see George Formby at t'Palace Theatre, get blind drunk, 'ave some steak an' chips, bunch o' bananas an' three stone o' monkey nuts an' still 'ave change out of a farthing.

We'd lots o' things in them days they 'aven't got today - rickets, diptheria, Hitler and my, we did look well goin' to school wi' no backside in us trousers an' all us little 'eads painted purple because we 'ad ringworm.

They don't know they're born today!!!

Tony Capstick
1944 - 2003










To Hear This Very Funny Record Please Click On The mp3 Link Below:

Play : Capstick Comes Home - by Tony Capstick

Legendary !!


There's more reminiscing in a similar vein...
Play : Ian Collins reads out a nostalgic email on Talk Sport 1053 & 1089 am

www.talksport.co.uk




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