And Other Pearls Of Wisdom
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IN PRISON..... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK....... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON......you get three meals a day.
AT WORK........you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON.......you get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK.........you get more work for good behaviour.

IN PRISON........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK..........you must carry around a security card and open all thedoors for yourself.

IN PRISON.........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK.........you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK.........you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK..........you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON........the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK.........you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and thenthey deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON.......you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK.........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...........they are called managers.


1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be meetings.

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight saving time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are good drivers.

13. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built The Ark. A large group of professionals built The Titanic.

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